


Deserve

by inabodycastofglass



Category: Tales of Graces
Genre: M/M, Post-Game, Self Loathing, Warm up story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7789708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inabodycastofglass/pseuds/inabodycastofglass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Richard deserved to watch Asbel and Cheria fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deserve

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SongbirdSonata](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongbirdSonata/gifts).



> This is a sort of warm up story, to get into writing for this ship. I'll get it eventually.  
> The hardest part about writing this was honestly not writing "Assbell".

It was hard to figure out where it started, or if there was really a starting point at all. The thought that he just came into existence loving Asbel had crossed Richard’s mind more than he’d ever admit to anyone other than himself.

That he and Asbel were soulmates was an intrusive thought that he couldn’t shove away as he watched him fall in love with Cheria. It kept him up as he laid in bed thinking about how animated Asbel became around her, and how he wanted, just once, to see Asbel act that way with him.

Eventually the pain settled into a pit in his stomach that suited him just fine. He began to seek it out, finding ways to get the three of them together, to watch them, the voice at the base of his skull telling him that he would never have that, he didn’t deserve that. Especially not with Asbel.

That was right. Asbel was kind, and loyal, and wonderful. He cared about everyone, and he wanted to save the world. And Richard was Richard. His life would be spent atoning for his crimes.

This was as it should be.

He heard a knock at his door in the early hours of the morning, long after he should have gone to sleep.

His chest warmed at the sight of Asbel looking him in the eyes, his mouth thin.

“Asbel. What brings you here?”

Asbel looked past him, into his room, then back to look into his eyes again.  “Can I talk to you about something, Richard?”

Richard’s stomach clenched. “Of course. Please, come inside.” He stepped aside to let him in, turning his back as he closed his door, hiding the way his face twisted. “What can I do for you?” He turned to Asbel with a smile.

Asbel looked to him, facing him head on.

For a moment there was uncertainty in the corners of his lips, then he straightened his back, looking to Richard with that determination that made his throat close up. “Have I done something to make you mad?”

Richard parted his feet a bit to help himself stand. “I’m sorry?”

Asbel’s hand gripped and relaxed at his hip, drawing Richard’s eye. “You’ve been avoiding being alone with me for weeks. I thought that maybe I’d done something. And since I’m not always the smartest person, I thought I just hadn’t noticed.”

Richard looked up, and the intense gaze Asbel set on him made his heart pound harshly.

“Whatever it is, I’m sorry.”

“Asbel.” Richard crossed his arms, holding on elbow in his hand. “You’ve done nothing wrong, I can assure you.”

“Then what is it? Why are you avoiding being alone with me?” Asbel took a step toward him.

Richard took a step back. “It’s nothing. Please, don’t be worried.”

Asbel’s shoulders tensed. “Richard.”

He bit the inside of his cheek. “Was there anything else you wanted to speak about?”

Asbel hung his head, his hand gripping tightly at his side. “No. There was nothing else.”

“If that’s the case, you should get some sleep. Tomorrow will be busy, and you need rest so you have enough strength.”

Asbel looked at him one last time, for a long, drawn out moment, then bowed. “Of course. Good night.”

He gave Richard a wide berth as he left the room, and Richard kept his face passively pleasant as he closed the door behind him.

He let out a quivering breath as he leant against it, curling forward, his forehead pressed to the cool wood. His nails chipped the paint as they clawed down it, his fingers straining. It was for the best.

But he couldn’t get the image of Asbel’s face just before he left out of his mind. He never wanted Asbel to hurt. He never wanted to hurt him.

He closed his eyes tight, trying to block the image out. He pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw stars, but still the image persisted.

He turned around, resting the back of his head on the door. He took a few deep breaths and pushed himself off.

He had to go to the to the knights hall to find Asbel’s room, making the unnaturally long walk down the hall for the royal family, his boots clicking and echoing with every silent step.

He’d been numb to the way his heart pounded until he reached the entrance to the knights hall, feeling a rush. He leant against the wall, listening to the quiet noise. He liked being here at night. It wasn’t rowdy as it was during waking hours, but it wasn’t dead, either.

As soon as he could stand up straight, he continued on, walking straight to Asbel’s door. He’d been to his room so often he no longer needed to count the doors. A few times he’d even found himself here while lost in thought when Asbel was away and Richard was unable to accompany him.

He stared at the door for a moment before he heard voices from inside.

He put his ear to the door, listening to the sound of Asbel’s voice, though he couldn’t understand what he was saying. Richard just closed his hand and let it wash over him for a moment.

Then he heard Cheria.

He pushed himself slowly away from the door, his fingers still touching it.

Of course Cheria was there. Of course Asbel would go to Cheria for comfort. It only made sense. He should have just left things alone.

He took a few slow steps back, his throat closing, his hands lowering to his sides. He took a deep breath.

“Heya, Richard. Are you here to see Asbel?”

Pascal skipped over to him, Hubert close behind.

“Oh, Pascal.” He turned to her, his casual smile back in place. “No. I was just leaving.”

“Oh. Well, okay then. See ya’ later.”

“Of course.” He nodded to Hubert, who bowed as he passed.

The walk back to his room was crushing. When he reached it, he slammed the door behind him, the sound echoing in his chest. He couldn’t breathe. He leant against the door, sliding down. He curled around himself.

He pushed himself to his feet, his arm shaking, and made his way to his balcony for some air.

He could hardly push the glass doors open. His head felt light. He leant over the railing, his eyes scanning the skies for some sort of peace or understanding that he knew he wouldn’t find.

He sat there for hours, his forearms on the rail, back arched forward. Images of the two of them alone in Asbel's room, talking, kissing, filled every moment. He soaked in that pain, closing his eyes tight, letting out a breath. His throat burned, but he just swallowed it away.

His gaze was drawn downward, as the sun began to rise, to Asbel, staring up at him. His breath caught.

They kept their eyes locked for a long while, Richard’s pulse in his ears. He pushed himself up, his elbows buckling.

“Wait right there, Asbel.”

He ran down the long, winding corridors, and out toward the garden. His knees buckled when he saw Asbel, and he pitched forward, Asbel there to catch him.

There was never any doubt that he would be.

Richard looked up at him, his hands gripped on Asbel’s arms.

“I love you.”

Asbel’s eyes widened. He stared at Richard for a long moment before breaking into a smile that made Richard’s heart beat even faster. “Richard.” Asbel pulled him closer. “I love you, too.”

He was still catching his breath, his chest heaving. “You-”

Asbel put a hand on Richard’s cheek, his fingers brushing down his jaw. “Of course I do.”

“Asbel, I-” He covered his mouth, holding back a sob. “I thought that you loved Cheria.”

“Cheria? Well, I do love her. But she’s my friend. We’ve been friends our whole lives.”

Richard took a shaking breath. “Asbel?”

“Yes, Richard?”

“Can- Can I-”

Asbel was so close now that Richard could feel his breath on his cheek. “Richard, can I kiss you?”

Richard laughed, the sound wet. “Please.”

Asbel did, his lips soft and chapped where they pressed together. Their heads tilted, chin’s touching. Richard took a deep, slow breath, holding it when he felt he might burst.

When Asbel pulled back, their lips coming apart silently, Richard followed, and he sighed when it was over.

He heard Asbel swallow, his eyes still closed. “Um. Thank you.”

Richard’s hands gripped Asbel’s sleeves, holding him where he was, close to him. He put his forehead to Asbel’s, out of breath. He could feel Asbel’s breath on his lips, his breathing just as heavy.

“So, you’re not in love with Cheria?”

Asbel shook his head. “No.”

“And, so you’re in love-” He swallowed back his sob. “-with me?”

“Yes.”

He started to cry, his head dropping to Asbel’s shoulder.

“Richard." Asbel’s hands moved to his shoulder’s. “Did I say something wrong? Was it the kiss? Was it bad?”

“No.” His hands moved to Asbel’s waist, pulling him closer, so their bodies were flush together, Asbel’s hips pulled forward. "I just don’t believe I’ve ever been this happy before.”

Asbel held him, pushing his hands firmly into his back, burying his face into Richard’s shoulder, pulling lightly at his hair. Richard felt him smile.

**Author's Note:**

> I am always seeking constructive criticism. Give me all you got. Throw it at me.


End file.
